It's been my first 24 hours in New York by myself. I spoke more today than I thought I would. I had a meeting with the campus librarians, set up a research workshop for my students with the reference librarians. But it's weird not going to bed with B at night, or rather, having him fall asleep on my lap as I rub his hair and watch Bravo reality shows at night.

It's quiet at night. I realize it'll be different during times when B isn't flying home, because we'll probably talk on the phone or play LOTR online together. But it's so weird not having him here. Today, I could pretend he was just at work, and I was running errands while he was gone during the day. But then it got to be 5:00 p.m. and I realized he gets out of work at 2:30, and he still had a half hour to go, and I realized that I'd go to bed by myself again, and it'd be that kind of unearthly quiet that unnerves me so that I wrap myself around B's arm until I feel safe again.

I just feel... very alone. It's not necessarily a negative experience. It's just... well, I have no words.

But I really wish I could have a kitten around.

Labels: alone in ny, real life, the melancholy

( 5comments )

at August 4, 2008 7:01 PM  natalia said...

Hey you! I'm sorry you're feeling alone. That will probably change as the school year kicks in. What's the longest you've been away from B? When's the last time you've lived by yourself?

You should totally get a kitten. (Not that a kitten would help replace B--nothing could do that!--but a kitten can help with some of the loneliness.) If you're not up for taking on a new cat, you could foster cats or dogs. I know a lot of shelters are always looking for people. And it might be fun to get them ready to adopt out! What do you think?

 

at August 4, 2008 7:32 PM  jillydreadful said...

My apartment doesn't allow cats or else I'd totally get a cat--one followed me and B home the other day, but B wouldn't let me bring it upstairs because I'm not allowed to have pets. Or house-sit other peoples pets (even specifies that in the lease).

 

at August 5, 2008 12:50 AM  Mike said...

Welp, there's always fish.

 

at August 5, 2008 2:57 PM  natalia said...

Yeah, I think your friend Mike's right. What about other pets? Like even a gerbil or something. I hear chinchillas are cute.

 

at August 8, 2008 9:48 AM  Lindsi said...

Or how about a little Ammi???