I was commenting on a friend's blog:

Please tell me I wasn't the only one sad that the Colonel went home tonight.

I'm really hating Brooke, Carly, Syesha, Jason, David Cook and DArch. In fact, I don't really know who I like. It's more like a contest between who I hate the least.

Wait... dude... by default, did I enjoy Kristy Lee Cook the MOST?

I suddenly feel empty inside.

It just won't be the same without KLC.

I suddenly felt inspired to write a list enumerating the reasons why I hate the current American Idols. I almost posted it to my friend's blog as a comment, but I didn't want to hijack the post.

Why I Hate Brooke White: she's simpering and vapid. Oh god, and her sad face:



Someone on Charlie's blog (Charlie? or a commenter?) said she's one-dimensional which is exactly what she has in common with...

David Archuleta, and why I hate him: he squints while he sings as though he's Clay Aiken Deep. I admit the whole paralyzed vocal cord thing tugged at my heart strings at the beginning of the season, but, now, I want his song choices to be excessively pandering/patronizing or else I don't want him to sing at all. Take Inspirational Week, for example. I wanted him to sing the Free Willy theme song. It woulda been perfect, I tell you! But did he? No. He did some other equally pandering, Mix 96 song instead that I don't know and can't mock quite in the same way.



Why I Hate Carly: she should have stayed in Ireland where she would have rocked their You're A Star competition (the Irish American Idol). All they're looking for on that show is karaoke, which I think Carly does amazingly well. But she's just not that original. Everyone, and I mean everyone--as strange as that was--seemed to bring their own flavor to a Mariah Carey song on Tuesday. Except for Carly. Which was complete karaoke. Don't believe me? Listen to this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/7elZud1Qc3g&hl=en]

Why I Hate Jason Castro: blah. Dude. What does he do with his face whilst singing? I don't get it. If he doesn't have a ukulele or a doobie, I'm not interested.

[gallery]

Look at the four pictures of Jason Castro, and the devolution of his face.

Why I Hate Syesha: one word: robot. A beautiful robot. But still a robot. Everything about her is mechanical. From her over-singing for some sort of "technical" points for difficulty, as though she were a figure skater, to her highly stylized smiles and over-acted turns towards the camera. Watch the first eight seconds and you'll see what I mean:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/2ZpCaGZqGzA&hl=en]

Lastly, but not leastly, Why I Hate David Cook: 1) we already have a David in the competition and 2) at least that David doesn't take credit for the arrangements of a cover of a cover song.

Labels: 4/15, american idol, april 15, brooke, carly, dArch, david cook, jason, klc, mariah carey week, syesha, television, you're a star

( 1comments )

at April 23, 2008 5:30 PM  ish said...

I don't actually watch, (I've seen maybe 10 mintues here or there, mostly by accident), but I always tune in to catch Ken Levine's recap each week. Hilarious and snarky.

http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2008/04/american-idol-top-6.html

If you don't know him, Levine is a tv comedy writer (Mash, Cheers, and others) who is also a baseball announcer.