I watched the movie Daredevil for the first time this afternoon. First of all, it stars three of the most annoying actors ever: Ben Affleck (the man who goes from one Jennifer to another in what I suspect was a ploy to cover his ass when he accidentally shouted her name during intercourse, and need I remind you of the Gigli incident?), Colin Farrell (the most over-rated actor who tries way too hard to be Hollywood's "bad boy") and Jennifer Garner (who is annoying for primarily two reasons: 1. She should only be filmed from certain angles or else her face is square yet bulgy making her look like she has a bad case of mumps and 2. I'm really tired of the masculine female heroine and she perpetuates that stereotype).

So the main bad guy could be debated in this movie, it's either Kingpin or Bullseye (Colin Farrell), so for the sake of argument, I'm going to say Bullseye is the main baddie. Bullseye is perhaps the least intriguing, most insipid villain I've ever had the displeasure of watching on film. And this is not just due to my Colin Farrell repulsion, although I'm sure that has something to do with it. Bullseye acts like a pre-pubescent boy on the verge of his very first boner: socially awkward and overly fascinated by tiny objects.

We're first introduced to Bullseye in a bar where he is thusly heckled by a fat, old white guy. Of course the fat, old white guy dies, but can you guess how he dies? Bullseye malevolently pulls out a paperclip. A paperclip? Oh dear god, he's going to kill with office supplies! He straightens the paper clip and then tosses them across the room where they land in fat, old white guy's throat.

But it doesn't end there. Bullseye is on a plane and a chatty old lady is knitting and talking and obviously won't shut up. Can you guess her fate? Death by legume. I kid you not. Bullseye flicks an airplane peanut and it bounces off the seat and chokes the chatty old lady. I bet you can't guess the awesome one-liner that follows. "Can I have more peanuts please?" Yeah, I totally believe that a guy like Bullseye is going to say please. But he doesn't just say "please" he says it in his irritating Irish accent like, "plaze" (rhymes with blaze except with a 'p').

But enough about Bullseye.

Why can't Matt Murdoch (Ben Affleck) comb his hair? I realize he's blind, but my ex-step-dad's father was blind (and he was even blinded by acid like Matt Murdoch in the comics), but he was always nicely groomed. And James is blind, but he always looks handsome and not in a disheveled way--the way they were going for handsome with Ben Affleck--but we could attribute James's stylish and well-groomed manners to his wife Nikki, because she ain't blind. And Daredevil didn't have a wife to complain about his uncombed, white-boy afro hair, so maybe that's believable.

I keep talking about believability. But what I really want to do when I'm watching an action movie, especially one based out of the Marvel universe, is suspend my disbelief. I want to be enveloped by a world where it's feasible that Daredevil does backflips and climbs walls like Spider-Man. But that never happened. The only thing they did well was explain how Daredevil "saw" through a sonar-like sight. But then they used it way too much and it was no longer subtle and elegant.

The sad thing is that Daredevil is a great superhero, but no one would ever guess that based on this movie.

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