I didn't really know that looking for new apartments would be this tricky. At first, I'll admit to being a bit of an elitist. My current apartment complex is so wonderful that I honestly don't want to move. My apartment has all the amenities I could want: dishwasher, a/c, 1 assigned parking space, gated parking, intercom entry, card-operated 24-hour laundry facilities, pool, jacuzzi, bbq area, ping-pong, a pool table, a really functional exercise room, sauna, gas and water and trash are paid, and they allow Zhoul to live with us. Plus, the community is quiet and friendly and most of all: safe. I'd have to say that we lucked out moving here sight unseen last year.

We went apartment viewing for the first time on Tuesday in downtown Los Angeles and looked at two units that are within a mile of USC. First there was a loft for $1200 a month and then there was a student housing building for $1395 a month--a month! How do they expect grad students to afford to live close to campus?

I'm going to spare you the boring details of our delicate apartment tango, and get straight to the good stuff: the disasters.

If you like the smells of ass and garbage right outside your doorstep, why pay a mere $800 a month for that privilege when you can pay $1200 instead! The price means it's fancy ass! Do you enjoy napping during the daytime? Not anymore! With our customly designed lofts strategically facing Spring Street in the heart of Downtown L.A., you'll never have to worry about falling asleep while watching Deep Space 9 in the middle of the day again! With street noise that ranges from drunken homeless guys to dump trucks to Mexican merchants setting up illegal shops on the street corner and peddling their wares, your windows will rumble and groan with every decible!

I wish the ad had been that honest. But get this. The next place we went to was a mansion converted into individual apartments. Which is kinda cool. The apartment was an actual individual, private apartment. However, the "landlord" or rather the Higher Than The Goodyear Blimp Guy was more than a little strange. With bloodshot eyes he showed us around. We asked what the process would be for moving in since we are looking to move around August 1st--all the other apartments we liked didn't have a problem with us giving them a deposit and holding the apartment until August. But Higher Than Goodyear Blimp Year literally got all shifty, like maybe his buzz was from something a little more powerful than marijuana. Then came the sarcasm, "What? Do I want to eat $1000 for no good reason? What? Do I want to throw $1000 down the drain? What? Do I want to do something for nothing in return?" I mean seriously. He said those things. And he kept on going. My husband wasn't saying anything. He was the non-confrontational type. So I had to step up and say, "Well, we're not looking to move until August so I guess we should go." Oh, did I mention that the guy used profanity as well? He was a gem.

The last apartment... I don't know if it was a disaster or not. Never got to see it. I called the leasing agent earlier in the day and I was told that the apartment was unlocked and go ahead and view it for myself, but to call her after I did. When we got there, can you guess what happened? Yeah. It was locked. We waited around for like a half hour creating a cell phone chain of attempts to get the apartment unlocked. Never happened. Way to treat potential renters.

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