Not me. Oh god no.

But Michelle Branch and Britney Spears are.

Why is motherhood suddenly trendy? Okay, well, it isn't sudden. I've been noticing a distinct heightened awareness of all things maternal ever since Rachel got knocked up on Friends, which happened to be the same year Piper got impregnated on Charmed.

I blame September 11th.

Okay. Well, I don't. But I do blame the Republican propaganda that glorifies 1950s ideals of hearth and home. I think September 11th ultimately has turned out to be yet another avenue in which Americans are indoctrinated to not think outside the designated box, which now contains:

• Marriage (As per the improved tax break which penalizes the single.)
  
• Kids (Have a kid: it won't be left behind, we promise!)
  
• And a house (no capital gains if you own a property for 2 years--and a double bonus if you own the property with somone--like a husband, wink wink nudge nudge--you get to keep up to $500,000 of appreciated value on your property instead of the usual $250,000 allotment.)
  

All this coming from a girl who got married in 2002. I guess I have no room to talk, but at least I was proposed to in the year 2000, and the date was in place waaaay before I even knew what a terrorist was.

But anyway... with all those "perks" of being married around, no wonder matrimony is suddenly the trendiest accessory around. According to Wikipedia's List of Hollywood Celebrities Who Have (Un)Tied the Knot, I then researched the status of said relationships on IMDB. Here is a comprehensive, chronological list of stars who have married and/or divorced since 9/11/2001 (in the event that the famous married the un-famous, I omitted their name because I'm lazy):

1. Andre Agassi & Steffi Graff, October 2001
   
2. Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie, 2002
   
3. Benjamin Bratt, 2002
   
4. Charmisma Carpenter, 2002
   
5. Shannen Doherty, 2002
   
6. Julia Roberts, 2002*
   
7. Elizabeth Shannon & Joseph Reitman, 2002
   
8. Sarah Michelle Gellar & Freddie Prinze Jr., 2002
   
9. Denise Richards & Charlie Sheen, 2002*
   
10. Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, 2002
    
11. Kenneth Branagh, 2003
    
12. Ed Burns & Christy Turlington, 2003
    
13. Jules Asner & Steven Soderbergh, 2003
    
14. Matt LeBlanc & Melissa McKnight, 2003*
    
15. Russell Crowe, 2003*
    
16. Carmen Electra, 2003
    
17. Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes, 2003*
    
18. Liv Tyler, 2003*
    
19. Danny Elfman & Bridget Fonda, 2003
    
20. Gwenyth Paltrow & Chris Martin, 2003*
    
21. Melissa Joan Hart, 2003
    
22. Holly Marie Combs (real life Piper above), 2004
    
23. Kate Beckinsale, 2004
    
24. Nicolas Cage & a sushi waitress, 2004
    
25. Michelle Branch & Teddy Landau (who happens to be twice her age), 2004*
    
26. Britney Spears to that weirdo childhood friend, 2004
    
27. Britney Spears & Kevin Federline, 2004*
    

A list of celebrities that have divorced since 9/11:

1. Drew Barrymore & Tom Green, 2002
   
2. Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger, 2002
   
3. Brandy, July 2003
   
4. Shannen Doherty, annulled February 2003
   
5. Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob, 2003
   
6. Harrison Ford, 2004
   
7. Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie, 2004
   
8. Jennifer Garner & Scott Foley, 2004
   
9. Uma Thurman & Ethan Hawke, 2004
   
10. Britney Spears annulled to that weirdo childhood friend, 2004
    
11. Halle Berry & Eric Benet, 2005
    
12. Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt, filed for divorce 2005
    
13. Denise Richards & Charlie Sheen, filed for divorce 2005
    

As you can see, the list for marriages doubles the list of divorces, even though some of those marriages ended up divorced anyway. I spent 3 hours researching all of that, so it is in no way representative of every famous couple.

Hollywood is the beacon of fantasy, entertainment, and in a post 9/11 world, morality? If Sandra Bullock donates $1 million to a tsunami relief fund, then the nation considers her a doll. If a (married) Britney Spears gives birth, then will young women see motherhood as a sexy thing to do? I wonder if the government approached certain actors and actresses with the proposition that should they get married, they would receive some sort of bonus, monetary or otherwise. And if these couples produced offspring as a result of their unions, then, who knows, the possibilities are endless.

I mean look at the list of marriages again--see the asterisks? Those are the couples that had (or are in the process of having) a baby. And that list is not comprehensive of the women in the public eye who had children, for instance I didn't really research women in music or sports (aside from Michelle & Britney), also Reese Witherspoon and Catherine Zeta-Jones both had children, but they both got married before September 11th.

There's an uncanny baby boom in Hollywood. Is it all part of some grander indoctrination scheme?

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