I don't have much to say. Des is coming out this Friday and that's mega-cool. Our first real visitor other than my family will experience California with me and Z. Although, I must confess that Princess Bloggy was in the vicinity and she refused to come see me (oh alright, she was technically 6 hours away and I was nearly-drop-dead sick.) So the logistics of actually seeing Bloggy did not work out, although I totally would have driven the six hours to San Leandro on Friday evening had I been well.


Speaking of which, being sick sucks. Because not only did I miss a week of work (luckily we get paid sick days, thank GOD), but I didn't even get to enjoy my week off. I was too sick to even watch TV. I'd lapse in and out of consciousness every couple of hours or so.


But anyway... I was reading Bloggy's blog of her vacation and saw that she said babies are awesome and everyone should have at least one if not two. Well, I since I have nothing truly useful to say, I decided to spend my half-hour break of a 10 hour day in rebuttal of this belief.


There really is no such thing as a cute baby. All babies are gross. Here is my argument in three-fold:


Item 1: They're small, bald and rotund. These features are something we secretly laugh and point at behind other small, bald & rotund peoples backs. If we thought small, bald & rotund people were attractive then George Costanza would never have made it on Seinfeld as George Costanza; rather, he'd be the famous porn star Buck Naked since he would have been high in demand as the sexiest small, bald & rotund porn star in the world.


Item 2: Babies are grossly fat. But not in a happy fat sort of way. Their flesh bulges with blubber, and usually it is glistening with some form of bodily excretion, whether it be mucus, sweat, drool, poop or urine, it really doesn't matter because all of those things generally mix together upon the baby's skin anyway. Which leads me to item three...


Item 3: Babies stink. Both literally and figuratively in this sense. The stench that surrounds babies is both strong and putrid. being near babies usually induces some sort of stiffling reflex from the gag-ular smell that emanates from all babies. The reason why they smell is because of their lack of bodily control. So their mucus, sweat, drool, poop and urine makes babies 100x worse than most adults since you have to wipe their asses for them and you don't even get paid. Even CNAs and nurses get paid to wipe old people's butt-cracks. But parents do not. Unless they're on welfare, then those parents specifically plan to have a child every five years so they can continue to recieve payment for simply being stupid enough to get knocked-up.


I was once a disgusting entity known as "baby." And it is because of the above three reasons that I greatly appreciate my mum for deciding to have me. See, I was technically the second child. The first child was aborted because my parents weren't ready to submit their lives over to a distingusting creature such as myself. And I was a burden their entire lives. Always needing more. More food. More clothes. More shelter. More attention. The sheer greed I exhibited as baby (and as a child) is enough to turn my stomach. And I thank God every day that I do have life, because it would have been really easy to abort me as well.




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