I will wake up 23 tomorrow.

 

I have only completed one of the things I wanted to accomplish before I was 23. I wanted to graduate college.

 

But I haven't published a book. And 5 years ago I said that I would publish a book by the time I was 23, even if I had to save up enough money to publish myself.

 

I don't have enough written to constitute an entire novel.

 

I could say that school got in the way. Or maybe being traumatized by 9/11 did it.

 

But the fact remains that when I left California the first time, I stopped writing. I use to have an overflow of creativity. Ever since I started college, I basically only wrote when I had an assignment.

 

I don't even feel like writing anymore. Keeping a journal doesn't count as the kind of writing to which I am referring. I'm afraid that if I don't have a class and I don't have an assignment, I have no reason and no motivation to write.

 

I'm sure I'll probably feel different in a few months or something. But at the moment, the fact remains that I feel like this now. And it's horrible because I feel like a failure to myself.

 

I wonder how much failing a soul can handle in a single lifetime.



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