I took my last final ever today.


I graduate on Thursday.


I am scared out of my mind. And sad. A certain kind of melancholy has nestled into my heart over the last two weeks. But today it really clearer than it's been so far. I mean, I cried on my last Thursday class ever, and I cried on my last day of class ever... but I didn't cry during my finals. That's good, or else it might be weird and mess up my concentration.


But I got home today and had nothing to do. No test to study for. No paper to write. Nothing to procrastinate.


And I felt my heart break.


Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited about graduating. Everyone keeps assuming I'm happy about it. When really I'm devastated.


How am I supposed to broaden my mind and learn if I'm not in school? And I suppose people are going to say what my brother did last night, "Life experience! It's time to get life experience!"


I'll tell ya, I have had a lot of life experience and I'm only 22, and none of it has really broadened my perspective, horizons, or mind.


I will no longer have anyone to discuss Ralph Waldo or Henry David unless it's via e-mail with my friends Scott & Tim. No one will make me mix CDs of music he thinks I'll like, the way my friend Scott did. No one to swap graphic novels with anymore. No one to write notes to or playing hangman with until 10 o'clock on Wednesday nights, the way I did with Valarie. No one to scan notes for when she missed class, the way Sang did. No one to share the horrors of tutoring with the way T'Ha and I did. Most of all, I'll miss my friend Laurin. We saw each other 4 days a week this year, and survived Spanish 201 and Badminton together.


Oooh 24 is on. Real life can wait.

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