1. Do you intend to kick your own ass for saying something so galactically stupid as "There's no more room for childish fancies"? Better to quit breathing than to quit dreaming. Besides, if you're going to be an assassin super-spy it would be difficult for someone else to give you the ass-kicking you deserve.


I used to think that all I had was my dreams. But what have I done to achieve my dreams? Nothing. In fact, I seem to work against myself in every single regard. I never wanted to get married. So what did I do? I got married at 20. I wanted to go to NYU, and by the grace of God, they actually accepted me to the Dramatic Writing program. What do I do? I flee the city and withdraw from my dream after September 11th. I wanted to be published by the time I was 21, and by published I mean a book. What do I have? All I can credit to my name is a cretive non-fiction essay and some poetry in a single literary journal.


I have nothing to back up my dreaming.


People tell me to get published. I don't have the slightest idea as to how to go about achieving that. You need to submit. But in order to submit, you need an agent. You can't get an agent without being published.


I used to write really bad fantasy novels, but I could never get past page 88.


I wrote a screenplay last year that sucks the big one. And I have no idea how to revise it. And besides, no one is willing to read it so I can't even get feedback. I wrote the script for my screenwriting class, and not even my own professor gave me feedback. You basically got an A if you completed a full script by the end of the course.


I feel lost.


I've been digging myself a grave with the whole writing thing.


I beat myself up because I don't have any ideas. Because I have too many ideas. Because I don't have the time to write. Because I don't have the motivation. Because I don't have the energy. The patience. The skill. The research necessary for the subjects I'm interested in.


I get in my own way.


And I don't know how to get back out of my own way again.


I figure once I graduate, I probably will never write again. Except funny little articles for my website every now and again. I just want to dive into work and focus on that.


I had until I graduated, and I haven't completed or achieved anything.


The writing dream is exhausted.



2. Who is your favorite Shakespearean villain?


Hands down, my favorite is Angelo from Measure For Measure. I'm a sucker for religious temptation, hypocrisy and impropriety.



3. When are you going to write your first novel? Because this mincing, fear-of-success, I'm going to be a grown-up routine will only serve to consume you.


Never. I don't have what it takes to write a novel.



Aside: I do hope you are a)telling a bad joke, b) temporarily insane, or c) undergoing a short-lived bout of graduation phobia. I can agree with one thing, though. Giving up hope is always a good idea. You give up hope, but not dreams.



I'm sorry to say that I believe that I am none of the above. I'm pretty serious about this. Ever since I made the decision to give up on the writing thing earlier this week... I don't know. Life seems easier. It's okay that I haven't published anything. It's okay that I can't write a novel. It's okay that my writing sucks. Because it's not what I'm going to do anymore.

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